May Forever

You are not the typical knight with a shining armor nor the prince charming. Neither Mr. Perfect nor Mr. Right, but I like you just the way you are.

No one can ever make my heart beats faster and slower at the same time. No one can ever be a good enough reason to thank God that I’m alive. No one can be the only exception when I promise not to sing for love when it doesn’t exist. No one ever makes me feel so alive and filled my life full of happiness and love, and makes my day complete. And no one ever makes me feel good about the throbbing sensation of my heart every time we are together.

You’re the only one that makes me realize how special I am. You are the only one that sees me to be different and rarest among others. You’re the only one who sees my potentials and wishes if only all of the girls in this world are like me.

How I wish you would know what I feel. How I wish if you could only know that I would do everything. How I wish you would know how you meant so much to me. How I wish you’re always beside me at all time, at ups, and at downs. How I wish you could be mine. But most of all, how I wish I would spent my whole life with you, the one who cared, support, understand and love me as always until I die.

Until my body wouldn’t be paralyzed, I promise for an unstoppable care. Until my sight wouldn’t be gone, I promise to cherish you. Until my breath will not cease, I promise for a never ending support. Until my heart wouldn’t stop pumping, I promise to love you as always. And until my life is not being taken, I promise not to live you, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health and even death wouldn’t make us apart.

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Words Left Unspoken

I looked into his eyes as he looked into mine... and I just let my eyes tell him my goodbyes.

Loosing him is the greatest pain I have ever known. In the same way I am being wounded from all the shards of my broken heart. Like I am drowning in a pool of my own tears of misery. Such I am falling to a pit of my own thoughts of despair. A pain that is akin to torture of a hundred ways.

I looked into his lips desiring it would say the words I like to hear. Or yet, I am wishing he would say something... at least anything. He didn’t. He just kept it sealed. I looked at his eyes searching for the words his lips failed to say. Hoping to find a single hint of emotion... just a little tiny bit of fear that he is afraid to lose me as I am afraid to lose him. He didn’t. His eyes didn’t give it away.

Those eyes.
His alluring, bewitching and captivating eyes. Those are the eyes I fell in love with. Though they are strip to see the world clearly without corrective lenses, I still fell anyway and I was falling damn hard. With or without,either way, he still failed to see me.

I looked at the man standing in front of me. Though we are surrounded by a crowd full of random faces, he is still all I see. Though the honks of the cars passing by is deafening, the sound of my own heartbeat is still loud and clear. Though friends already said their farewells, well, I am not prepared for goodbyes yet.

I prepared for this day. At least, I tried to believe that I am prepared for this day. How can I let go of him when he became a part of me? He became a vital part of me like the substantial organ inside me that is pumping like crazy. How can I say goodbye to him when I know there is a probability of not seeing him again? How could I when there are tons of things I need to say and a lot of things he must know?

I looked at him. I walked towards him wishing he could see my anguish behind my facade... and I hugged him. I wished he could feel the tears that are rolling across my cheeks. I wished he could hear the sound of my heart beating. I begged if only he could heed my heart saying...

“You changed everything. I grow up believing love will only cause pain to those people capable of loving. I build up walls because this rib cage may be adequate to protect my heart from any physical trauma but will never be good enough for emotional afflictions. You changed all of that. You break down the walls I build for my entire existence. If loving you will only cause me pain, I don’t mind hurting.”
I prayed that he could hear these words left unspoken.

I looked into his eyes as he looked into mine... and I just let my eyes tell him my goodbyes. I turned my back quickly, afraid that he might see the tears that are falling. I was walking away from him. I was walking away from the man I ever loved. Every single moment we shared from the very first day we met flashes back. Everything flashes back and it made me stopped at my tracks.

“I should tell him”, I said. My friends just stare at me with tears in their eyes triggered by the heavy pour of tears across my cheeks that I didn’t even care to notice. “I need to tell him”, I repeated. All of them know what I am talking. They all know what I’ve been through to keep my walls up but hopelessly been broken down by him. All of them know. They are all just looking at me. All of them are looking at me with smile on their faces and eventually said... “go”.

I ran back to him. I raced to the place where I thought everything is over. I ran with so much hope to finally tell him about what I feel. I was panting when I got there, barely catching my breath. I searched everywhere. I searched you for every face I came across with. At that moment, the earth stopped. Though we are taught to believe that Earth doesn’t stop rotating... at that moment it did.

He was gone.






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